Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Private Schooling. Montessori. Waldorf. Public Schooling. No-schooling. Home Schooling. Travel Schooling. These are just a few of the many schooling options that families worldwide are exploring and flourishing within. I am typing this post from the road while my family and I are traveling in Gautemala together. Our son will be turning two years old on this trip, and my husband and I are taking every opportunity to practice our own Spanish while teaching our son during our daily adventures together. He can count in Spanish and English now, tell you how old he is both languages, tell our friends “hello” and “good-bye” in both. This and more, especially with words from situations that were especially meaningful for him.

The research behind the way the human brain (and mind) learns and flourishes is expanding rapidly in every field, from behavioral neuroscience to somatic psychology. And what continues to emerge throughout reflects the paraphrased Chinese proverb, “Tell me and I’ll forget, Show me and I’ll remember, but allow me to do it myself and I’ll understand.” Human babies, children and adults learn best from doing things ourselves and what we like to do are those the things that spark our interests and passions.

The information shared in the short film, Born to Learn, is the inspiration behind the group of scientist, researchers and free-thinkers who call themselves the Responsible Subversives Network (RSN). RSN has created three animation shorts so far and it consists of three inter-linked sites that aim to provide the ideas, the inspiration and a community of people interested in equipping future generations to shape a better world.

My husband and I search for ways to live more harmoniously with our son and to do work which pays and supports us with more than just a salary. We look for life at home that supports and enables a life on the road so that we can move easily between them both. We hope to raise our son to look for opportunities in life, work and community and to be creative in making his life his own, however he may be called. For families and communities like mine own, we are keen to support and encourage groups like RSN and others who are leading the charge in highlighting what is working and what is not within our current systems of education and work.

In preparation for my birth, I got reacquainted with the practice of using positive affirmations.  I began journaling later in my pregnancy, and within those pages, I wrote messages to my unborn child that will be shared with him when he gets a bit older (he is not quite two now).  I also tucked beautiful images into its pages, along with leaves, flower petals and photos of me with my family and in my favorite places. I watched for things around me that created more peace and more confidence within in me and I created affirmations from these. I jotted down bits of lyrics, gems from my conversations with friends, guidance from our midwife and most especially, insights from my own experience of myself during the bloom of my first pregnancy.

Affirmations helped me to ground my mind when I felt any fleeting fear and uncertainty come up and they also strengthened my confidence when I was feeling strong and absolutely capable of laboring and birthing my child into the world on our own terms. As my women friends are becoming mothers themselves, some for the first time, some for the fourth, I continue to use affirmations in my daily life, but I now extended this practice to include my friends in their pregnancies, their births ahead of them.

I was cozied up with my little one today, sharing a snuggly afternoon nurse and watching the leaves fall from the trees outside when I began thinking of our dear friend who is newly pregnant and who is over-the-moon excited about this new life within her. I was reflecting back to my favorite affirmations from my own pregnancy and offered a few up to bless her way ahead. And then it got me thinking, what if all of us who care deeply about birth used birth-positive affirmations not just for ourselves and our family and friends, but offered them up with our most sincere intentions for every woman, every child, for every birth. I feel like so much is possible for us all in our births and in the healing of our collective experience of birth. I also know that my intentional  practice of encouraging positivity in my own mind and body during my pregnancy (here are some ways that I did this) served me well throughout the pregnancy, but especially during our birth and now as a mother. I also know how much goodness I feel in my own self when I bless another mother’s way with my prayers and loving support—it feels really wonderful to be part of it all!

So, let’s give it a go together! Let’s all lend some heart to a subtle, yet irrepressible shift toward healing birth by beginning with our own thoughts and emotions surrounding birth. I hope that you will join me in me in offering up affirmations with heart-held intentions to benefit everyone around us—men, women and children. We must all be included and touched in order to heal our collective idea of labor and birth.

Here is a list to start us off in our work together. Please use the ones that hold the most significance to you and that touch your heart. Add your favorites, say them out loud, speak them silently inside your mind, write them down and read them often, share them with others, share them with everyone. Let’s do it, let’s create more birth goodness in the world one thought, one mind at time, beginning with our own.

“Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.”

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth: Updated With New Material

My heart and body know exactly what my baby needs, my mind is learning.

I am a powerful, loving and creative being.

My pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me.

Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world.

My body contains all the knowledge necessary to safely birth my baby.

My baby knows how and when to be born.

Birth is a safe and sacred experience.

My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time.

I am a strong and capable woman.

I am a powerful, loving and creative being.

I am willing to meet myself with kindness in all that may arise.

I accept this labor as my labor and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby.

I feel the love of those around me.

I proudly step forward and take my place within the collective of motherhood.

•

Sitting here today, watching the southern hemisphere spring emerge, I started thinking of the leaves changing, flowers budding, things growing just as my young baby is growing before my eyes. I thought of my trip back to Boulder last summer and how I plucked some leaves to steal back with me to a wintery Chile in hopes of remembering the Colorado summer. I thought of how I used to save all my flowers from high school, upside down bouquets dry and dusty long after the holidays and dances they represented. I thought of the huge Chilean aromo tree that was in full blazing bloom when our Lil’ Flower was born nearly four months ago. I wanted to go back and pick leaves from the day she was born, save them in a book, a keepsake of all that was happening in nature when she entered the world. I can’t go back, but I can start now (and I will!).

In an age of digital photography and the felt sense seemingly becoming less and less connected with our memories (we used to pick up and touch photos, watch them fade a little, flip them over to remember the exact date scribbled in our own script or that of our mother), having keepsakes you and your child can touch for a lifetime to come seems a special gift. With this in mind, I’ll be keeping special pieces of clothing, locks of hair and other little things in a box for my babe – a sort of memory hope chest. And I’ll be saving leaves. As the world grows more and more digital, I want my children to always be able to hold pieces of their lives in their hands, not just see it on a screen.

Here are a few ways you might also make the greenery around you a way to mark precious times with your children.

Marking Family Travel

Whether from the big oak of your child’s favorite park across town, or from the Banyan trees of northern India, plucking the keepsakes around you can be a fun way to mark where you and your family have been in the world. Think special and mundane; the tree outside your guesthouse, the gardens of an architectural attraction, the path to a train platform, heck even the topiaries of Disney!

Capturing Special Moments In Time

The birth of a child is a great time to collect a few things from nature. They will have been breathing the same air that you and your child were when you first met. After that, there are many sweet and obvious developmental milestones. First laugh, first tooth, first steps, first communion, high school graduation – the list really is endless. And of course, flowers and plants that are gifted your child can be included, too.

Keeping the Passing Seasons

You may consider simply collecting a leaf or two that represents or simply marks the seasons as they pass. Right now, I’ll take a few things to mark Lil’ Flower’s first spring.  I’ll do the same in the summer, autumn and fall.

To keep these moments safe, consider investing in a big, heavy, hard-bound artist sketch diary. This will act as an instant leaf and flower press, and give you clean white pages to note your adventures, details related to the leaves and their coinciding special moments, etc. You can stick in photos and whatnot to increase the memorabilia and even go all-out curly scissor scrapbook on the job. You may also simply want to buy or make a flower press and stick a little note in with each one. When your child has grown, you can gift the press knowing that he or she may want to do their own special things with the contents, or just leave it as is for future generations.

Personally, I’m planning a combo approach, a flower press and notes to be scrapbooked much later when my child (children?) is (are?) older (i.e. when I have more time, ha ha).

A few places to pick up supplies on my favorite shopping site, Etsy.com:

Flower and leaf presses

Especially these…

• Vintage wood flower press and supplies
• Large wood flower press (or book press)

Handmade journals and scrapbooks

Especially these…

• Large handmade wood journals and sketchbooks by Three Trees Bindery (high quality and beautiful!)
• Large leather-bound journal 

I was raised in a devoutly Catholic family. In all seasons and times of the year, we had altars throughout our home. My mom maintained one wall altar, which centered around a crucifix where our palm branches from Palm Sunday would be braided and hung. There was another wall altar of a print of Jesus embracing a figure of a young man. It was along side this print that my mom included photos of family members and friends who had passed. At Christmas we had a nativity display that was a seasonal altar. And each May, my mom, sister and I would create a “May Crowning” altar to celebrate Saint Mary who was also the namesake of my family’s home parish. Our May crowning altar was my favorite of the year and I loved to gather up spring flowers and other beautiful things to put on the altar which centered around our statue of Mary.

As I came of age and moved away from my family’s home, I discovered that many people, from a wide variety of faiths and traditions, also created and kept altars within their homes. With altars centered around a family’s shared faith or spiritual practice, or centered around any number of things that held great meaning for them all. The call to create altars in the spaces where we live, where we birth our babies and lay down to die, seems to come from a deep unconscious need within our collective psyche. There is no model to follow, there is no standard altar, though in viewing a variety of altars around the world, you will see themes that are common throughout humanity, such as altars to welcome birth, encourage love relationships, to worship with faith and devotion, and to honor death.

Early in my pregnancy, to honor this sacred time in our lives and to prepare our space for our upcoming homebirth, my birth altar began to take shape. The top shelf of a large bookcase in our living room was dedicated entirely to this. I didn’t place just anything on this altar, as it was not a piece of decoration for the room. It was a outward symbol of my own power to labor and birth my child into the world. I placed my most meaningful symbols of love, grace and mothering strength so that I could draw upon them all when the time came. I placed items that called to me from the natural world and gifts given to me by husband, and by the women in my life who wanted to bless my way ahead.

At the center I placed my treasured statue of Mary, who to me is the symbol of God’s perfect love for us, of God as our Divine Mother. Around her, I added items gifted to me by women friends who were all part of a traditional South Indian maternity ceremony that our dear Indian friend hosted for us. There were gifts of sweets and colorful fabric from this gathering, and each held such great memories of this ceremony that I shared with these treasured friends.

Upon the altar I also placed clean-burning candles to light as my labor began. One candle was a bee’s wax candle poured into the shape of an angel and another was a tall pillar enclosed in glass that I covered with beautiful paper. There were also nine unscented votives for soft lighting if my labor came during dark hours. And there was incense of frankincense and myrrh to light if scent was desired.

There were soft pink roses in bud vases that I placed on here, and on all the other altars throughout my home, just hours before my labor began. I also placed the many beautiful beads that were strung for me at my second blessingway and the written wishes from these same women. Reading these heartfelt wishes for my labor and birth still fills with me such deep gratitude for these friends. Many of whom of are now becoming mothers themselves and I now get to return the same love and good wishes to them.

After moving around our home throughout my labor, following that spontaneous flow, we eventually settled in our living room and our son was born under our birth altar. I can very clearly remember a moment after his birth, when I was leaning back into my husband’s arms, our son at my breast, our midwives tending to us, and looking up at my altar and feeling such tremendous gratitude for all that I had been asked of and all that I had been blessed with. We kept our altar intact, adding fresh flowers and gifts for our son, for over a year, until our family moved to our new home. Our altar became a family treasure and continued to offer beautiful reminders of what is important in birth and important too during that first precious year together.

Ask your heart if you would like celebrate your own pregnancy and birth by creating an altar within your home. If yours is a homebirth, you may want make it a large and include candles that may be lighted. If you plan to deliver in a hospital or center away from home, perhaps you may want a more mobile altar that you can include in your things that you bring with you. And while your altar will likely be very beautiful and hold many of your most precious items, I found it important to remember that a birth altar is not a piece of home decor, like a sculpture or a painting. Your birth altar should hold your most powerful symbols of love, strength and faith for these are the same qualities that you will draw upon in your labor. Include images and items that represent your deepest hopes and desires for your birth. Add what is uplifting and bolsters a deep sense of safety and confidence in yourself. Include gifts from those who love you and items that you may want to include in your labor, like chocolates, candles and incense.

I have seen birth altars that include inspired collages made by the mother. Another with a collection of photos of the maternal lineage and a grandmother’s wedding band. I have seen altars built upon windowsills, on shelves and tucked within a large potted plants that were displayed on table tops. I have also seen women who have beautifully painted one side of their belly and breasts casting and then created their birth altar within the open space made by their bellies. There are so many clever and creative ideas, but your own ideas will be the most beautiful and serve you the best. Don’t over think it, in fact, this is a time to follow your heart’s own inner guidance—it will serve you well again at your birth.

May you and your family’s way always be blessed.

There are his words, and his dance moves that are so perfectly in cue with the beat, there is his love of running as quickly as he can, and jumping in place while hooting with glee. He is enjoying his body and all the ways he can move and express himself with it all. As his momma, all of it is so incredible to watch emerge and take shape. This little person, so perfectly complete and whole in the ways that truly matter in this life, just as he is now, at 22 months, and just as he was a birth.

My son will be turning two in just a few more months. And what an incredible journey it has been for my husband and me, to be growing right along side our first child. Since his birth, our boy’s voice has been a joyful constant in our home. And over the last year, his thoughts and wants and needs are being shared through words that have in recent months become sentences. Each day there is more to share, as his words and excitement give way to being recognized and responded to within our own family, and by the adults and older children we spend our time with. Even our neighbor’s dog, a funny little Schnauzer named Pickle, responds to him when he is called over, much to my son’s delight.

My husband and I are avid readers ourselves, and have followed our son’s lead and his own love of books from early on. Our local library hosts fantastic cruisers-and-crawlers, toddler and children’s story time hours and sing-alongs that are free to the community and that are scheduled throughout the week. Each group meets separately and focuses on developing early literacy skills and supporting a child’s natural curiosity and love of books. The groups are facilitated by a librarian who focuses on books and activities that are developmental appropriate and that are also incredibly fun.

In cruisers-and-crawlers, we sang songs together and played with the sounds of individual letters, vowels and built them up into words. We were introduced to wide range of vocabulary and illustrations through the carefully chosen books. Books, which our lovely librarian pointed out, are an ideal way to bring an unlimited variety of words, ideas and sounds into a family’s playful learning. She introduced to us books that featured animals, people and situations that were uncommon for most people’s daily life, but that introduced us to some wonderful fundamentals of the wider world; that chicks emerge from eggs and that there is indeed an animal named “hippopotamus” that can walk on land and swim underwater.

In this youngest group, our babies would intently watch our mouths as we sounded out new words and sang songs together. There was so much learn packed into these hours of fun. And outside of being a relatively easy outing for my son and I when we were still getting the hang of leaving the house together, we were also spending time playing and learning with other families and building our community.

Look to your own community library for programs and activities that they may offer. Libraries are eager to have families searching their shelves for books to check out and to enjoy at home.  And if your local library does not currently host family programs, ask if they can meet your requests for story times that are led either by librarians or community volunteers. If you run up against tight budgets or scheduling issues, ask if your family, and others who are interested, can meet within the library and create your own story time. Each family can then take turns choosing books and leading to the group.

Here is a link to my local library. You will see that there are many different groups and weekly events for various ages, as well as educational support for teachers and parents, as well as home-schooling and no-schooling families. There is even a “Read to a Dog” event when young readers can develop their out-loud reading skills while keeping a certified therapy dog happily entertained.

My husband and I have enjoyed bringing home our own childhood favorites to share with our son and looking for new books to read together. In recent years, the publication of children’s books has skyrocketed, with topics reaching far and wide. Your own family’s favorites are on a shelf just waiting to be enjoyed together.

As this movement has evolved, parents have begun to see their children not as ego extensions or objects, but as people – young people who deserve respect and consideration from the time they draw their first breath.

I recently stumbled across a blog that affirms everything I believe in when it comes to children. It affirms their intelligence, their need for a loving relationship with their parents (rather than a purely authoritarian one), and it affirms what I believe about how they desire to be listened to and considered.

Introducing, Radical Parenting: a website authored by 60 teen interns. Radical Parenting was founded by Vanessa Van Petten and features articles on a variety of topics.

http://www.radicalparenting.com

“Teens Who Can’t Feel: Empathopenia
Teen bullies and the decreased empathy; one explanation on the recent cyberbullying epidemic.”

“Radical Family Bonding Time You need to take advantage of the time that needs to be quality over quantity! Here are a few tips for parents and families to bond with each other and not make family time miserable.”

If you’re reading this post on Bobafamily.com, you probably have children who haven’t even asked for their first cell phone yet. The reason I’m reading Radical Parenting now is because it’s a constant reminder of why I’m so intentional about my parenting today. We can’t wait until our children are 16 before we respect them as people and tune into them. It will be too late.

By showing them love and consideration today, we’re laying the framework for happy teens, teens who feel as if they can communicate with us. It’s my desire to know my children on a deeply intimate level. Websites such as this fly right in the face of pop culture that says teens are superficial, angry, snobby followers.

Spend a few minutes on this website and you’ll quickly learn otherwise.

Happy parenting!

Many of us curl up into a ball when we may be at our wit’s end; there is something soothing and comforting to it.  Countless artists have sculpted and painted adults in the self-soothing fetal position. It’s no secret that babies love it too. When you carry your baby with his knees flexed against your chest, the fetal position, the pressure and containment he feels assures him that he is in contact with you and physically safe and secure.

But there’s more to it than comfort! Read on to find out how curling up into the fetal postion truly helps your baby.

1. Babies breathe easier.

A flexed position is optimal even for tiny delicate preemies. When you lay a preemie on his back it’s pretty stressful. His little underdeveloped lungs need to work against gravity. In flexion, a preemie requires less oxygen pressure and volume and breathes easier.

2. Grow baby Grow!

Using less oxygen means that their little bodies don’t need to work as hard. Not working as hard means they can devote their energy and calories toward growth.

3. Coordination and strength are nice.

The “spread out on the back” positioning of infants adversely affects the development of their muscle tone. Yet, the flexed position actually helps not only speed up muscle development, but also speed up the maturation of nerve cells that control the muscles. Stronger muscles and better functioning nerves telling those muscles what to do means better motor skills.

4. No one wants to wear a helmet to reshape their head.

Laying on your back all the time may dispose your baby to a deformed skull or plagiocephaly- literally a flattening of the head.

5. Reflux stinks.
Any eight month pregnant woman knows that she shouldn’t lay flat on her back after eating anything. An infant in flexion digests his food easier.

6. Baby’s backside is more than “cute”.

When held tummy to tummy not only does the baby have mom or dad’s heat to help regulate his own temperature but a protective heat retaining barrier. Infants have more efficient temperature regulating cells and more fat cells that serve as superb insulation on the back side of their bodies.

7. Another way to keep warm.

In flexion your baby’s arms and legs are bent, cutting off exposure of arteries to cold air. Bent arms and legs also cuts in half the surface area from which heat can be lost to air. Additionally, reduced stomach exposure means babies can better regulate their body temperature and subsequently use less energy trying to maintain warmth.

8. Hides that belly.

When we hold our infants stomach to stomach we are protecting all the receptor and vital organs. A cat has a tendency toward curling up when sleeping. If a predator were to come, the flexed position of the cat offers natural protection. Yes, it hides mama’s belly too!

9. Helps little hip development and actually is an option for treating DDH!

Babies whose legs are swaddled or forcefully straightened (as in the Navajo papoose) have higher incidence of hip dysplasia. Casts and harnesses are actually used to force baby into a flexed widespread legged position to treat babies born with DDH (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip).

10. Newborns are virtually impossible to straighten out anyway.

So many think it is gentler to lay a baby on his back than to carry him.  Babies’ spines are not straight; they are born with a convex c-shaped spine so their thighs naturally pull up toward their chests. Laying them flat stretches out their natural position and can actually be stressful on their little spines and hips.

When you pick up your baby his legs will rise to his chest.  His body is naturally adapted to being carried.  The fetal tuck is soothing; it is the natural position of infants, and helps your baby to thrive and grow strong. Don’t try to straighten out your babies!

Reading to inspire:

Montagu, A. (1986). Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin. Harper Paperbacks.

Ludington-Hoe, S. Kangaroo Care: The Best You Can Do to Help Your Preterm Infant. Bantam Books, 1993, New York.

It is springtime again in Colorado where I live with my family in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. For us, that means a shift from short days and cold nights, to longer days and nighttime temperatures that will continue to rise throughout the summer. Many of our trees are starting their first flush and the soil is warming up enough to turn over. The longer, sunnier days are begging us to shake off that winter funk and to get outside together as a family, and gardening is the perfect way to put some spring in our collective step.

Children thrive with time spent outside digging in the soil with their hands, or with a stick that fits the bill perfectly. Again, for them it is about time spent together as a family and the chance to feel that they are part of the natural world. You don’t need a large plot or a farm to do the trick. Start with what you have, whether it is a small bit of space reserved in your yard or some containers on your balcony. Believe it or not, you don’t even need a green thumb; just match yourself with plants that can thrive on what you can offer, and go for it.

When we are getting ready to head outside, we grab large spoons from the kitchen, empty yogurt containers and any other odd bits from the kitchen that will make it fun to play in the soil now, as well as make it easier to clean up later. Once we have our items, we settle into the garden or gather around a garden pot and let the play begin. I make time and space for my son to dig and explore without any gardening goals. Tiny hands like to seek out stones, worms and wet soil to pack together. Set your seeds and starter plants away from this space of free play, and do your planting together where you can guide your child through the process and share important jobs like planting the seeds and then covering them with soil. This is a chance to talk with your child about the interconnectedness of seeds and the sun, and the rain and warmth that will go into making it come alive, and grow into it’s full potential.

Outside of the healing qualities of nature, and the precious family time together, gardening is another way to build your younger child’s vocabulary for items not normally found in our day-to-day lives. Name items like the trowel, or rake; name the types of seeds and have them explore the color, size and shapes of them. Hold worms and bugs in your hands to keep them safe and in one piece, then marvel together at the similarities and difference between each one, your child included.

For older children, gardening is a way to observe a full growth cycle in nature, taking a plant from seed to bloom, to fruit. Waiting for that little seed to emerge from the ground teaches patience and offers a sense of time that differs from the routines of our normal days. Caring for a seedling until it flowers or fruits teaches investment and reward, as well as offering your child responsibility and the chance to care for another growing thing. They also get to taste the literal fruits of their labors, and nothing teaches a child more about the taste and treat of real food than a bite of a garden ripe tomato. You can also bring your flowers and garden finds indoors for rainy day crafts, or when winter wants to toss one last snowball at you.

I recently read a comic that said, “Gardening is cheaper and quicker than therapy, and you also get tomatoes.” It is true that spending time in the natural world does us all good, adults and children alike. It clears the mind and gives our hands real purpose. So, gather up yourself and your little ones, and any items that you may need, and go make yourselves happy and dirty.

In the end they refused to live an adventure-less life and took baby on her first flight.

I can relate. It’s easy to think that once children are in the mix that you’re house-bound besides occasional trips to the grocery store, but nothing could be further from the truth.

There are families who not only travel often with young children but LIVE a lifestyle in motion; constantly exploring the globe with their wee ones in tow! If you don’t know if you’re ready to sell all of your belongings and renew those passports just yet, you may be after taking a look at some nomadic family blogs. Below are a few of my favorites.

Three Nomadic Family Blogs You’ll Love

The Andersons: Hair in the Air
http://www.hairintheair.net/

What do get when you cross a family of six with a dog, cat, fish, and an RV? Pure fun. They’ve been traveling since January 2011.

The Garrison Family
http://www.garrisonfamilyadventure.com/

I love that this family of four (plus a dog and cat) define “home” by where their family is, not where a building or structure sits. They’re cruising all over the USA with no signs of stopping!

Soul Travelers
http://www.soultravelers3.com/

This quirky couple and their budding violinist daughter are trekking the world without fear. I love their insights and spirituality (not to mention the beautiful photos).

—

We’re living in exciting times. People aren’t obsessed with the status quo and are jumping on to the road less traveled. Imagine a childhood rich with experiences rather than possessions… how exciting is that?

Would you consider life on the road with your family? Why or why not?

*T-shirt from http://www.milkbomb.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=M&Product_Code=CG-T

Six weeks out of the year about 40 horses run wild in the open space behind my house. While attempting to lure them close to the barbed wire with carrots and long green grass, I met two ten year old twin boys and their mother. After complementing me on my three kids, she went on to tell me that she had always envisioned having a big family. However she was definitely “done” having kids after her experience with the twins. I invited her over. She told me her story. How they were born premature. How she couldn’t hold them for the first month of their lives. How she would never go through such a traumatic experience again.

I did a little research on parental anxiety in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).  She certainly is not alone.

It is hard to be at ease in the NICU. Here are some factors that explain why:

1.  Your baby’s position, or appearance, or behavior in the incubator- The skin tone, size and position of your baby may be unexpected. He may be breathing irregularly, and may be either moving restlessly, crying or still and expressionless.  If he is sad or is crying, it may be disturbing and even debilitating to watch.
2. The equipment, the hum of machines, and the sounds of intensive care-The tubes and machines used for your baby may be both intimidating and overwhelming. There may be constant noise, beeping, or other babies crying. Other stressed parents that are visiting their little ones can make for a tense and upsetting atmosphere.
3. The hustle and bustle of the technicians and nurses- Sometimes the nurses may go about a procedure pretty hastily without explaining what they are doing. Sometimes the medical jargon may be over your head. Information concerning your baby may even be conflicting which can be incredibly frustrating.
4. The actual physical separation of you and your baby- You can’t feed your baby or hold her when you want to. You don’t have a chance to intervene when your baby cries or seems distressed. You feel powerless over the progress of your baby. Essentially you have not had the time to develop a relationship as the mother/infant dyad has been torn apart.

Hospitals are endeavoring to ease parental anxiety in NICUs by making them as peaceful an environment as possible. The staff is trained to hustle less, to be very sympathetic, and to educate and thoroughly explain the procedures and the progress of the baby to the parents.

Hospitals hope to support parents and reduce anxiety and depression through…

• Organized support groups
• Individual development care programs
• Classes that teach emotional coping skills and problem solving methods
• Buddy programs
• Psychotherapy
• Journal writing
• Improved communication between staff and parents

These efforts to ease parental anxiety are definitely a step in the right direction. They are certainly right about one thing: interventions to support parents during the care of their preterm infant in the NICU will most likely improve outcomes for both parent and baby.

Here’s the deal. Classes and improvements in communication help. But, offering out coping mechanisms is not as powerful as encouraging parents to step up and play an active role in their baby’s care.  Kangaroo Care supports parents and allows them to play an active role in the care of their preterm infants. This high impact care should be prioritized, not only for the crucial health benefits of the baby but also because it empowers parents.

Kangaroo Care is engaging; It brings mom and baby (or dad and baby) together.  It cuts down the distance. Parents feel close to their babies. It fosters attachment and a sense of confidence.  Attachment inspires nurturing behaviors. Nurturing behaviors support the growth and development of the baby. It’s good for all involved.

When a mother experiences Kangaroo Care, this loving touch from her baby, she knows that she is doing something incredible for her baby that no stranger can do. She feels that her baby recognizes her voice and who she is. She is comforted by her baby’s relaxation, and witnessing his surrender into deep sleep. She becomes confident that her baby is taken care of and may survive.  She feels like she is in control. Kangaroo Care strengthens the emotional bond between babies and their parents.

Kangaroo Care can be a positive way to shut the door on what has been a trying and traumatic experience. 

To reduce anxiety, hospitals should support parents during the care of their preterm infant. By educating, integrating and facilitating Kangaroo Care, they will be promoting a high impact care that brings mom and her baby together, and is supportive and therapeutic to both.

Kangaroo Care eases parental anxiety.

Kangaroo Care is empowering.

Kangaroo Care is healing to both babies and parents.

I wish that the mother I met, who told me her story, had been more empowered. I wish that she felt more in control and was able to feel closer to her boys while they were in their incubators in the NICU. I wish this empowerment  and emotional connection for all parents of preterm infants.