Many parents start out practicing attachment parenting (AP) without really thinking about where it will lead them and without thinking about what parenting style they will use  as babies grow older. When reading up on AP you may notice that the information is mostly based on babies and toddlers. It makes sense since with a new baby comes all kinds of decisions that parents probably haven’t thought of before: What kind of crib should we get… or one of those neat hammocks? Wait, we don’t need a baby bed at all?! We can co-sleep! But once you’ve found out about natural weaning and “baby”wearing preschoolers you’ve pretty much reached the scope of most attachment parenting groups. Not on purpose necessarily, maybe parents of older kids just don’t need as much help or maybe  it is assumed that at this age kids will go to school.

So what do you do? It is pretty easy to apply the attachment parenting methods that you’ve worked so hard to perfect to your older kids. Especially if you realize that by becoming old enough to go to school doesn’t magically make kids ready to be away from their parents and families. So what can you do if you and your child aren’t ready to part ways or you don’t think your child is ready for the strict nature of school.  It’s becoming more and more common for parents to homeschool their children for many different reasons. For many kids it is extremely beneficial to keep living and learning at home with their parents unconditional support just as they have through their babyhood. Starting preschool (as early as 2!) or even kindergarten might not feel natural for AP practicing parents either, they have been  shown the importance of family, how to listen to their child’s cues, and hold them close. After two or three years of being completely immersed in children’s lives its easy to see how it could feel hard to send them away to school. School can easily disrupt family life if parents don’t work hard to stay connected.

As my first child reach the age of compulsory schooling I started thinking of alternatives. He seemed so young and full of positive energy to be in a traditional classroom five days a week. I feel that young children with lots of natural energy can be quickly categorized as having learning disabilities or a trouble maker when really they just need time to grow and the freedom to move their bodies. I didn’t feel like my son had the kind of discipline school requires. I didn’t doubt that he would someday, but just as every baby crawls at a different age, every child and person for that matter, does everything at a different rate!  This was eyeopening for me to realize and it was a huge learning moment in my life as a parent. I don’t want my kids to fit into a box! I don’t want them to be forced into things they aren’t ready for! I don’t want them to think that they have to do things they don’t love when they are adults either.

When trying to find an alternative to public schooling I was drawn to Waldorf education but upon further investigation it seemed just as rigid a doctrine as traditional school, albeit different, and way too expensive for our family. Montessori had similar issues and is mostly geared for younger kids. Also, all the alternative schools had one similar problem. I would have to actually send my son away for half of our waking hours together. And that’s not including all the time and energy of getting to and from school. That’s pretty huge for someone who has done nothing but focus on how to connect with their child for 4 years!  I didn’t want to “homeschool” because I didn’t want to be the one forcing my son to do things that he didn’t want to do, I didn’t want him to hate me! I realized that sending him to school *was* forcing him to do something he didn’t want to do. Looking back I don’t think he would have had that hard of a time at school. I don’t think he would have been the kid that cried every morning when I left. I do think it would have just broken a tiny bit of his beautiful spirit and his amazing confidence that I had worked so hard to preserve. Just as I wasn’t able to leave my son in his crib crying at at night, I also couldn’t leave him at school everyday without the people he loves and needs most. All those tiny pieces of broken spirit can add up.

I didn’t even consider homeschooling though until a friend told me about child led learning, also known as unschooling. I realized that it is pretty much attachment parenting for kids (and adults too!), it was just what I was looking for.  What I love about attachment parenting is that isn’t a method or a set of directions as much as just one simple rule. Let your baby be happy. Help your baby so they are happy. Connecting with your baby will make them happy! And the same theory stays true for every person and child. Instead of following a curriculum we focused on what our son wanted to do, what he was interested in, what made him happy. We woke together, discussed breakfast and then prepared it together. Read books, spent time in nature. Went shopping, used money. Played with friends, played together. Worked in the garden, watched TV if we felt like it. We just lived our life and in the process learned everything and more that kids spend 12 years of their lives in school to learn. Except he was free to do it at his own pace while having fun and being happy. Not surprisingly happy people grow, learn, and prosper pretty darn well! Three kids later we are still perfecting our AP, unschooling, and conscious blend of living with kids and I am amazed at how much easier it is to live this way. We’re all happy and my kids are smart, independent, social, just generally awesome people.

More information on unschooling and child-led learning:

-Search “unschooling” on The Natural Child Project for informative articles and tips

-Years of articles dating from 1977 on Growing Without Schooling, an unchooling magazine started by homeschooling innovator John Holt

-Find local support groups and forums to chat online or meet real families on Leaping from the Box

-Unschooling books to buy or download from Amazon

(Photo : Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D./Child Trauma Academy) Neurologists say that the sizeable difference between these two brains of two different 3-year-olds has one primary cause: the way that their mothers treated them

Lending a voice of science and research, to what mother’s already know well, is how maternal love and support impacts and effects of a child’s brain size and growth. With the size and growth of the brain’s structures relating directly to a child’s (and the adult they will become) potential for learning, as well as long- and short-term memory, and lifelong appropriate stress responses.

First published 2012, this research focuses on the amygdala, which is the area of the brain connected to emotional memory and reactions,  and the hippocampus, which consolidates information from short-term memory to long-term memory, and spatial navigation. To offer more context for the type of impact this may have on a developing child’s brain, the hippocampus is one of the first areas of the adult brain that registers the damage of Alheimer’s Disease.

The image above, from the work of researchers at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, demonstrates how a mother’s love and care-giving physically affects the mass and structure of a her child’s developing hippocampus, with some children showing a difference of a full 10 percent in hippocampal mass between nurtured children and their extremely neglected counterparts.

Read more about these finding in the article shared below.

Chilling Brain Scans Show the Impact of a Mother’s Love on a Child’s Brain Size

By Christine Hsu Oct 29, 2012

Read more athttp://www.medicaldaily.com

Covering much more than the subtitle lets on, the book actually begins before the first year. It touching on the planning and preparing for your upcoming birth, making it a great read for mothers-to-be, whether it’s your first pregnancy or not. And the charming introduction offers the lens from which to read the book, with Massaro and Katz sharing their sole purpose for writing this new mama guide, and that is to “bring to life an often-forgotten truth: a mother’s instinct is the best resource she has to crease a joyful and connected relationship with her baby.”

Their hope is to empower every mother to gently and committedly to do their own “gut check” with all that is offered to them as new mothers, whether through cultural “wisdoms,” ideas that are pounded through the media, or even “experts” to whom we look to for help and information.

Massaro and Katz speak to what so many mothers are seeing and feeling today, and that is that “Motherhood has been targeted by advertisers, and bombarded by opinions masquerading as medical necessities.” Their intention behind writing this book is to help mothers reclaim a simpler, more connected first year with their babies based on a mother’s own heart of true joy and relationship.

In The Other Baby Book, you will learn the “whys” behind so many tried-and-true mothering wisdoms, like the incredible healing and protective qualities of vernix (the waxy, cheesy coasting your baby is born with) and why waiting to bathe your newly born baby allows your little one to take full advantage of nature’s perfect plan for immunity.

You will also learn the science behind the magic of touch and physical contact that benefits not just your baby, but mothers as well. Highlighted in the chapter on Touch, is a terrific section on babywearing, which is what Boba Family is all about. Massaro and Katz offer up what stats on what generations of mothers already know; that your baby cries less when held close to you throughout the day, whether by babywearing and carrying. Boba founder and babywearing educator, Elizabeth Antunovic shares with readers how babies and mothers benefit physiologically, psychological and emotionally from babywearing. Antunovic, also a mother of four, details the benefits of upright babycarrying in the book with this,

“With a baby upright on his mother’s body, mom adjusts to all her baby’s movement, and he to hers, moving like perfect dance partners. Constant feedback from his skin and the fluid in his inner ear help the baby understand space, and his place in it. A baby’s muscles become stronger as they respond the varied movements of mom’s body and the force of gravity.

Its no surprise that babies carried upright scored higher on both motor and mental tests in the first of life. The rich environment worked the babies’ neural pathways.

Carrying a baby upright on your chest regulates his autonomic system. Studies have shown that a baby’s heart rate stabilizes, his body temperature regulates, he transitions more easily from one sleep state to another, and actually sleeps longer. His breathing becomes steady, he has less chance of apnea, and oxygenation of his body increases. While on his mother’s chest, his systems are kept at a regular tempo. When apart from his mother, a baby works twice as hard to maintain physiological harmony.

A mother can trust her intuition. By holding her baby close to her heart, she uses the most physiologically beneficial method of carrying her baby, proving the optimal environment for her baby’s psychological and emotional growth.”

Massaro and Katz have written the book that was missing from our bedside tables, by accurately covering a mother and baby’s first year together with practicality, kindness and humor. And all the big first-year questions are covered, from breastfeeding and introducing solids, to diapering and EC, but most importantly, how to build your trust in yourself and your mothering wisdom as the authority for your family. I love that this book is in the world and being shared. Taken in and taken to heart, it will go far in supporting the growing, world-wide movement to heal birth and our families, beginning as it should with the mother-child relationship.

There are his words, and his dance moves that are so perfectly in cue with the beat, there is his love of running as quickly as he can, and jumping in place while hooting with glee. He is enjoying his body and all the ways he can move and express himself with it all. As his momma, all of it is so incredible to watch emerge and take shape. This little person, so perfectly complete and whole in the ways that truly matter in this life, just as he is now, at 22 months, and just as he was a birth.

My son will be turning two in just a few more months. And what an incredible journey it has been for my husband and me, to be growing right along side our first child. Since his birth, our boy’s voice has been a joyful constant in our home. And over the last year, his thoughts and wants and needs are being shared through words that have in recent months become sentences. Each day there is more to share, as his words and excitement give way to being recognized and responded to within our own family, and by the adults and older children we spend our time with. Even our neighbor’s dog, a funny little Schnauzer named Pickle, responds to him when he is called over, much to my son’s delight.

My husband and I are avid readers ourselves, and have followed our son’s lead and his own love of books from early on. Our local library hosts fantastic cruisers-and-crawlers, toddler and children’s story time hours and sing-alongs that are free to the community and that are scheduled throughout the week. Each group meets separately and focuses on developing early literacy skills and supporting a child’s natural curiosity and love of books. The groups are facilitated by a librarian who focuses on books and activities that are developmental appropriate and that are also incredibly fun.

In cruisers-and-crawlers, we sang songs together and played with the sounds of individual letters, vowels and built them up into words. We were introduced to wide range of vocabulary and illustrations through the carefully chosen books. Books, which our lovely librarian pointed out, are an ideal way to bring an unlimited variety of words, ideas and sounds into a family’s playful learning. She introduced to us books that featured animals, people and situations that were uncommon for most people’s daily life, but that introduced us to some wonderful fundamentals of the wider world; that chicks emerge from eggs and that there is indeed an animal named “hippopotamus” that can walk on land and swim underwater.

In this youngest group, our babies would intently watch our mouths as we sounded out new words and sang songs together. There was so much learn packed into these hours of fun. And outside of being a relatively easy outing for my son and I when we were still getting the hang of leaving the house together, we were also spending time playing and learning with other families and building our community.

Look to your own community library for programs and activities that they may offer. Libraries are eager to have families searching their shelves for books to check out and to enjoy at home.  And if your local library does not currently host family programs, ask if they can meet your requests for story times that are led either by librarians or community volunteers. If you run up against tight budgets or scheduling issues, ask if your family, and others who are interested, can meet within the library and create your own story time. Each family can then take turns choosing books and leading to the group.

Here is a link to my local library. You will see that there are many different groups and weekly events for various ages, as well as educational support for teachers and parents, as well as home-schooling and no-schooling families. There is even a “Read to a Dog” event when young readers can develop their out-loud reading skills while keeping a certified therapy dog happily entertained.

My husband and I have enjoyed bringing home our own childhood favorites to share with our son and looking for new books to read together. In recent years, the publication of children’s books has skyrocketed, with topics reaching far and wide. Your own family’s favorites are on a shelf just waiting to be enjoyed together.

Many of us curl up into a ball when we may be at our wit’s end; there is something soothing and comforting to it.  Countless artists have sculpted and painted adults in the self-soothing fetal position. It’s no secret that babies love it too. When you carry your baby with his knees flexed against your chest, the fetal position, the pressure and containment he feels assures him that he is in contact with you and physically safe and secure.

But there’s more to it than comfort! Read on to find out how curling up into the fetal postion truly helps your baby.

1. Babies breathe easier.

A flexed position is optimal even for tiny delicate preemies. When you lay a preemie on his back it’s pretty stressful. His little underdeveloped lungs need to work against gravity. In flexion, a preemie requires less oxygen pressure and volume and breathes easier.

2. Grow baby Grow!

Using less oxygen means that their little bodies don’t need to work as hard. Not working as hard means they can devote their energy and calories toward growth.

3. Coordination and strength are nice.

The “spread out on the back” positioning of infants adversely affects the development of their muscle tone. Yet, the flexed position actually helps not only speed up muscle development, but also speed up the maturation of nerve cells that control the muscles. Stronger muscles and better functioning nerves telling those muscles what to do means better motor skills.

4. No one wants to wear a helmet to reshape their head.

Laying on your back all the time may dispose your baby to a deformed skull or plagiocephaly- literally a flattening of the head.

5. Reflux stinks.
Any eight month pregnant woman knows that she shouldn’t lay flat on her back after eating anything. An infant in flexion digests his food easier.

6. Baby’s backside is more than “cute”.

When held tummy to tummy not only does the baby have mom or dad’s heat to help regulate his own temperature but a protective heat retaining barrier. Infants have more efficient temperature regulating cells and more fat cells that serve as superb insulation on the back side of their bodies.

7. Another way to keep warm.

In flexion your baby’s arms and legs are bent, cutting off exposure of arteries to cold air. Bent arms and legs also cuts in half the surface area from which heat can be lost to air. Additionally, reduced stomach exposure means babies can better regulate their body temperature and subsequently use less energy trying to maintain warmth.

8. Hides that belly.

When we hold our infants stomach to stomach we are protecting all the receptor and vital organs. A cat has a tendency toward curling up when sleeping. If a predator were to come, the flexed position of the cat offers natural protection. Yes, it hides mama’s belly too!

9. Helps little hip development and actually is an option for treating DDH!

Babies whose legs are swaddled or forcefully straightened (as in the Navajo papoose) have higher incidence of hip dysplasia. Casts and harnesses are actually used to force baby into a flexed widespread legged position to treat babies born with DDH (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip).

10. Newborns are virtually impossible to straighten out anyway.

So many think it is gentler to lay a baby on his back than to carry him.  Babies’ spines are not straight; they are born with a convex c-shaped spine so their thighs naturally pull up toward their chests. Laying them flat stretches out their natural position and can actually be stressful on their little spines and hips.

When you pick up your baby his legs will rise to his chest.  His body is naturally adapted to being carried.  The fetal tuck is soothing; it is the natural position of infants, and helps your baby to thrive and grow strong. Don’t try to straighten out your babies!

Reading to inspire:

Montagu, A. (1986). Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin. Harper Paperbacks.

Ludington-Hoe, S. Kangaroo Care: The Best You Can Do to Help Your Preterm Infant. Bantam Books, 1993, New York.

Bedtime can be a challenging part of the day for parents. There is pressure for kids to get in bed on time and pressure for parents to have adult time, but what if everyone could get what they wanted?

Having a relaxed bedtime can be beneficial for parents and adults.  With no struggle or negotiations, parents have  more time to spend with their children or with each other.  Many times at night I find my kids really get into their creative groove.  When I had an imposed bedtime I would feel bad about interrupting them.  Now that I don’t worry about exactly what time they are going to be asleep, when I notice their creative juices flowing at what used I be bedtime I pick up my crocheting, read a book or watch a movie with my husband. It’s become such a joyful time for us.

When I notice my kids shifting, it is then that I start our new “bedtime” rituals.  I dim the lights, maybe put on some soothing music or offer to read one of their favorite books.  I ask if they want to snuggle in bed and they usually say yes.  Those moments of being with them are some of the best we’ve had.  It feels so nice to be relaxing with them as they are wanting sleep instead of pushing and pulling to “get them to bed”.

Tips for Transitioning to a Relaxed Bedtime

• Start slowly. It may seem hard at first or you may be reluctant to let go of bedtime, so maybe start with one night a week.
• Complete the cycle. Make sure to be a part of your kids’ new awake time.
• Take a responsive approach. Notice and respond to your children’s patterns, when they seem tired or when they might need just a few more minutes doing whatever they are doing.

With the recent end to daylight savings I notice how much I enjoy staying up a little later.  Winter makes me want to hunker down at night and snuggle in bed early, but summer time makes me want to enjoy dinner on the patio at 8:00.  Kids feel this too and a relaxed bedtime is a great way to let them explore this.

These days most parents are already familiar with how beneficial babywearing is for mom and baby. Now new scientific research shows another amazing reason to wear your baby and keep your bodies close. This article tells how all it takes is a mom and baby’s eyes to meet for their heart beats to synchronize almost to the second.

You know that feeling – when you look at your newborn baby and they look back at you with love and perfection? It gives you butterflies and you can actually feel the bond growing between you! I still love the feeling of connection with my fourth baby now that’s she’s 10 months old. I wear her in a baby carrier often so we share so many beautiful moments.  This new study shows that this is more than just a feeling and that our intuition to hold our babies and keep them close is even more beneficial than we realized.

Wearing your baby is an amazing experience that is beneficial to you and your baby in so many ways. We don’t need science to tell us that, but it sure is nice to know that the instinct we have to hold our babies has a physiological benefit as well.

“How? We recognize that a sense of well-being depends on intangible qualities like warm interpersonal relationships, reasonable autonomy in one’s choices, exactly those things that money can’t buy… Studies show that happiness has much more to do with experiences than with possessions.”

I loved reading this entire article, feeling that the choices my partner and I are making for our new arrival (our first baby is due in July) both incidentally and purposefully support a frugal parenting model. We both independently chose to leave our good-paying full-time corporate jobs to live simpler, more fulfilling lives and the rewards we are reaping by way of more time with each other and for our artistic pursuits, as well as flexibility in where we live and how we travel, will be a blessing to our child, as well. These benefits make the financial challenges worth it to us, challenges that are minimized by our own chosen minimalistic lives.

Additionally, we are both committed to keeping our child’s experience as natural, simple and inspiration-led as possible. So in lieu of big bright whirly-gig toys, beeping buzzing electronics, and the latest baby bling, we’re opting for natural handmade clothes and toys, looking for previously-loved goods of the same nature, and reminding each other step by step that our family has and will have all we need, in fact, more than enough.

Weldon’s article references a few published books and studies on topics like the value of delayed gratification, how creativity at a young age shapes positive character, why constant exposure to commercialism through marketing is harmful to our kids, and more. I appreciate the way she documents and offers direct examples of the benefits of frugal parenting, and also how she warns of the dangers of the opposite.

As a mother, I want nothing more than to shelter my dear ones (and myself) from the trappings of materialistic living. There’s a lot that I am trying to move away from with my own choices, and subsequently help my children steer clear of, too. But more than that, there is a lot that I’m moving towards by living a simpler life that naturally costs less; like… knowing the joy of growing and eating our own tomatoes (thanks mom for giving me this experience)… delighting in making holiday gifts with our own hands… smiling through relaxed walks under big trees and through coastal sand… enjoying the smell of bread baking in our own oven… loving how locally spun yarn in natural colors looks in the sun after we’ve turned it into something functional with our own hands… having lunch as a family at our own table. My list is endless.

What’s on yours? How do you and your family enjoy the simple things and spend less in the process? How do you see the benefits of this in your children?

People usually explore babywearing (using a baby wrap or baby carrier) for the first time when their babies are itty bitty newborns. Being able to keep your new baby close and bond during those first few months of life is priceless. I’m not sure what I would have done without babywearing in the early days.

Once my sleepy infant transformed into a wild and energetic toddler some would have thought that the days of babywearing would have been over but nothing was further from the truth… it became more important than ever! It’s a common myth that once a child starts walking, they no longer want to be carried. While it’s exciting for older babies and toddlers to run and jump, all of that play coupled with days full of exciting stimuli often leads to a need to recharge, rest, and of course, have important snuggle time with the adults in their lives.

It’s not just my tot who loves being carried. As a busy mom, I often find myself making dinner and running errands with my two-year old strapped to my back. When her big sister was younger, she spent as much time “up” with mama as down playing and exploring. The 3PM to 7PM period of day that so may parents find daunting can be made exponentially easier with some heart-to-heart “winding down” time.

Another time babywearing an older child or toddler is important is during sickness. When kids are in pain, uncomfortable, or recovering from illness, nothing soothes like being worn.

The moral of today’s lesson? Don’t give up babywearing just because your little one is taking his or her first steps! They may be called “baby carries” but they’re not just for infants!

Foot pressed against the glass, this preemie is seeking out the familiar feeling of containment.

I remember when I was still involved in print advertising with our graphic designer in Miami.  The copywriter tried to come up with some slogan for our full page ad. I remember coming up with, “Sleepy Wrap, the best place after the womb”.

We all know that babies crave the familiar containment and pressure of the womb.  Upright on mama’s chest in a baby wrap certainly mimics that womblike environment.  While in utero, babies push their little elbows, knees, feet, and shoulders against the walls of the womb; this helps the baby’s muscles develop and get stronger.  As baby gets bigger and there is less room and he has more opportunities to flex his body, making muscles even stronger. When babies are born, they are in flexion, and almost impossible to straighten out.

A preemie who is born before he had a chance to develop good muscle tone may not be able to hold his body together.  He may lay flat on his back like a little star.   In the NICU they often create woolen or fleece nests for the babies, to contain their little bodies and help them stay in a flexed position.  Again, mimicking the womb.

Did you know that preemies not only crave containment but they actively seek it out?  When reading Ashley Montague’s book on touch, I remember one story in particular where the preemie in the incubator would scoot, with a series of tiny movements to the corner of the incubator.  When the nurse in the NICU would see him scrunched up on one side, she would move him back to the center of the incubator so he wouldn’t lose any heat from his body touching the wall. And then he would scoot again. Preemies actually feel safer against a boundary.

Practicing Kangaroo Care, and wrapping your flexed preemie skin to skin offers optimal positioning, crucial health benefits, and it connects the two of you.  Your baby is flexed, enveloped, protected and safe.  Surely it is the”best place after the womb”.

When it’s time for your baby to go back into the incubator, remember that keeping your baby in the flexed position-

• May enable your baby to breathe more easily
• May help regulate heart beat
• Promotes more uninterrupted sleeping because of improved breathing and overall improved comfort
• Reduces and helps alleviate the symptoms associated with gastric reflux
• Filters extrasensory input by decreasing your baby’s perception of environmental events
• Prevents your baby from acting out his startle reflex- which uses up his energy/calories
• Cuts and buffers some of the sounds around him
• Helps your baby develop normal posture and movement
• Provides your baby a feeling of security