Five Fun Responses to Critical Parenting Questions

Every parent knows that always-someone out there: friend, relative, even the passing stranger, who feels as if they need to critique the choices you’ve made for your family. Instead of getting angry or defensive, I’ve created a few snappy responses!

Use at your own risk

Breastfeeding:

“When do you plan on stopping nursing?” Response: “Not sure, but thank you for taking such an interest in my bodily fluids.”

“STILL breastfeeding?” Response: “I’m not nursing. My baby tumbled and I broke his fall with my nipple.”

“We want to feed the baby, too.” Response: “I’ll handle what goes in, you can take care of what comes out.” (From @HeatherArtLife)

Co-sleeping:

“Co-sleeping is weird. Don’t you have a crib?” Response: “Yes, and we prefer to use it to store laundry.”

“Co-sleeping is unhealthy. Everyone needs their own bed.” Response: “Said the bed factory.”

Homebirth:

“Homebirth? Ew! What will you do with the mess?” Response: “Make candles for Christmas gifts. What’s your address again?”

“Homebirth? So dangerous!” Response: “Don’t worry, after baby is born we plan to raise her inside of an actual hospital. Just to be safe.”

“Homebirth? Are you crazy?” Response: “Have you seen gas prices? This will save TWO trips.”

Babywearing:

“Your baby will never learn to walk.” Response: “We’ll cross that bridge when the time comes. Well… I’ll cross… he’ll be in a carrier.”

“Can’t you just use a stroller?” Response: “When the zombies come, being hands-free is going to be essential for survival.”

“She’ll never WALK!” Response: “How else will I make sure she never leaves me? (must be said with a straight face).

Do you have any funny comebacks to share? Post them in the comments!